Who Needs A Mentor Or A Coach Anyway?

Mentors and coaches aren't just for executives, and… who else might need a mentor or a coach? 

Anyone who aspires be a better leader needs a mentor or coach.

Why you ask?  Well…

Leadership is not simply a set of actions or behaviors.  If it were, then anyone and everyone who has read a Leadership book or two, or who has been through some Leadership training would be a great Leader.  And we all know that’s not the way it works.

• If we don’t feel that we live in a world of abundance where it is safe to be generous, we simply cannot consistently be generous, give away credit, and see many more positive things than negative.

• If we feel that others are not trustworthy we will be unable to extend trust, and this is a key to great Leadership.

• If fear is a driving factor in our lives, we will resist change, fail to learn from mistakes, and be unable to grow emotionally.

These are just 3 examples of how we cannot act like great Leaders if we are not able to achieve emotional growth and maturity. 

Leadership behaviors are driven by qualities.

We can only develop those qualities, which I believe are in all of us to some degree, through mistakes, personal setbacks, and other impactful events in our lives.  However, there is no guarantee that we will learn the right lessons, or develop in positive ways.

Coaches and mentors can:

Help us discern the right lessons from our mistakes and these powerful life events.

Help us see the learning opportunity and the positive side.  It is too easy to blame others, become cynical, and see only the negatives.

Tell us what we need to hear, as opposed to what we want to hear.  Our friends will generally support our desire to stay the course and resist change.

Help keep us on track towards achieving our goals no matter what life might throw at us.

So who should find a coach or mentor?

Anyone:

• Who has big plans for themselves
• Who is not getting promoted/seeing other promoted instead
• Who is not achieving their goals/trying and not making their desired progress
• Who needs to hire to balance their strengths
• Who is the 'visionary' and needs people to execute... perhaps starting or growing a non profit?
• Who lacks confidence
• Who has a tough time 'hearing' feedback
• Who is facing a new challenge
• Who is new to Leadership
• Who has repeated poor decisions in the past
• Who has a hard time with self-reflection
• Who is building a new team/rebuilding a team/changing the culture
• Who has a bad boss or poor leader

Anyone who wants to be great rather than good!

What else can coaches and mentors do for us?

Can We Choose To Enjoy Our Jobs?

Can we choose to enjoy anything for that matter?  Do we have the capacity to accept the circumstance in which we find ourselves, and make the choice to enjoy whatever we are asked to do? 

In order to do this we must accept our circumstances as if we had chosen them.

Can we… I mean the majority of us, actually do that?  Even if we can, most of us don’t know how.  If we did, wouldn’t we all just choose to accept our circumstances and be a lot less stressed?

What does it mean to enjoy something?

The definition includes: to derive pleasure from, take pleasure in, get benefit from, or take delight in.  How many parts of your job do you take delight in?  There are probably some parts from which you derive pleasure, right?

Why do some people enjoy a job while others detest that same job?

Most of us find enjoyment in some things and not in others.  We have hobbies, sports, exercise, interacting with others, being with family, helping others, spending money, showing off, learning… the list goes on and on.

Some people have always enjoyed running, while others detest it.

Some of us get real pleasure from meeting new people, while others avoid it at all costs.

I know people who would gladly spend their time sorting and organizing, while other people think of that as torture.

Plenty of people love being the center of attention; perhaps teaching in front of a group, while lots of others would rather have a toe bitten off by a snapping turtle.

Are some jobs inherently pleasant, while others distasteful or not enjoyable?

I want to say that most of us would agree that some jobs are generally enjoyable, and the more I think about it the more I wonder if it’s true.  The more we hear about the lives of the rich, famous, celebrity, sports star… the more we understand their aberrant behavior.  They may have nicer things around them, and they seem to have the same issues as the rest of us with enjoying their jobs and lives.

Is stress caused by our inability to accept what is happening?  By our inability to choose to enjoy our jobs?

Stress is a state of mental tension and worry, or fear, caused by problems… and what are ‘problems’?  Many would argue that most of our ‘problems’ are simply our inability, or unwillingness to accept what is happening in our jobs and in our lives, or our fear about what might happen.

Once we accept that we get paid the same no matter how we feel about what we have to do, then perhaps we can choose to enjoy whatever needs to be done. 

I consciously choose to continue to go to this job for the money and benefits, in trade for having to do the tasks of this job.   If I fully understand that I have a choice… that I can choose how to see those tasks, then why wouldn’t I choose to do them as if I had chosen them, since I do in fact choose them each time I show up for work?  And if I do them as if I had chosen them, it will be much easier to find some enjoyment in them.  Work will be less stressful, and I will be able to do each task with purpose and enjoyment.

It’s all about acceptance…

There are two other sides of this that I think are worth addressing…

1.    We all have different personal limits.

We are all very different as we talked about above.  Some of us find ourselves on the extreme side of either introvert of extrovert for example, and this, for most, is not a choice.  

These personality differences can bring with them sensory limits, or other limits that we have to learn to live with.  They are not crutches, nor can we use them as excuses.

Some of us can only be in crowded places for so long.

Some people find it very difficult to be or work alone.

There are people who seem work better with music or background noise, while others need near silence in order to do their best.

Do you know and accept your limits?

The way to deal with our differences is to fully understand and accept how we are.  Self-awareness is the key to knowing what works for us, as well as what does not work for us. 

Accepting ourselves for who we are, with our strengths and weaknesses, is our key to finding the right job, and making a life that where we can more readily find enjoyment.

You should choose a job that falls within those limits.  Otherwise we are almost constantly at odds with our natural state, and it can be very difficult to accept that we have put ourselves into situations for which we are not well suited.

2.    Acceptance does not mean stationary or static.

Accepting what is happening as if we had chosen it does not mean that we cannot make things better, or improve our performance, our job, or anything else about our lives.

In fact it allows us to stop struggling so much with our current circumstances, which can make room for us to work on changing our circumstances.  Acceptance can make it easier for us to make the changes we want in our jobs and lives, while we stop fighting the current reality.

Please let me know if I’ve left out any important parts of this topic.

Should Each And Every Effort Raise The Bar?

Do You Permanently Raise The Bar When Someone Puts In Extra Effort?

“Sad but true. When you over deliver, that raises the bar. That's your new standard and you are constantly measured against that. Even dropping to, say, a high-average level means your performance has deteriorated and you're possible termination material while anyone else who rises to that same level is considered hot property”.

I read this in a comment to another post not to long ago (unfortunately I can’t find it now to give credit), and I understood it immediately because I’ve been on both sides of it.

Should each and every effort raise the bar?

No of course not… what are you thinking?

I can see it from the side of the person who put in extra hours (perhaps even hours off the clock) and pulled resources and team members from other projects to make my boss look good when the president of the company came for a visit.  It was a lot of juggling, showing up early and working late, as well as asking a lot from each and every one of my team members.  We pushed pretty much everything to the limit, losing sleep and time with our families to make this go off without a hitch.

We didn’t do it expecting a bonus or a parade.  We did it because we are part of a team, and we wanted to have our department and store look as well as it could, and support our boss by making him look good.

The next day I’m asked why we can’t do that all of the time…  thank you… and why can’t do you that every day?

Did my boss simply not care about how hard my team and I had to work to make that happen?

Did my boss simply not understand how hard my team and I had to work to make that happen?

Did my boss not care how stressful the whole process was, and how we were all at our limits?

How do you think I felt when I got a perfunctory ‘thank you’ and then was asked why I couldn’t do that every day?

Do you think I felt appreciated?  Valued? 

Did I feel like something… something that should be used up and tossed aside when it can no longer function as needed?  A consumable…

Or…

Was my boss under so much pressure that he felt his job was constantly on the line?

Did he fully understand what it took, and still felt the need to ask us to make that the new normal because he was afraid that one of these days he might have to have to go home and tell his wife that he got fired?

Did he simply not know any better… was he promoted past his level of competence, and he is struggling to keep his head above water?

What should we assume?

Of course you should raise the bar. 

In this economy, this is the new normal.  If we are not able to do more with less; keep improving each and every day, we might not have jobs to complain about tomorrow.

Good enough isn’t good enough, and with the competition we have, we must constantly struggle to improve our quality/service/products/bottom line every day.

My bonus is based mostly on ‘improvement’, and if we don’t continue to find ways to achieve more while using less, I lose money.  So…

Where do you stand?

I can’t state what is right or wrong here, and what I can do is tell you what would have made a difference for me.

Build relationships:

If you are a team Leader, show that you are interested in creating a strong, trusting relationship with those who work for you.  People will work tirelessly for us when we first develop relationships with them.  They need to know that we care about them and their goals; that we value and appreciate them and their hard work; and that we have their best interest at heart.

Appreciate:

Show your team that you appreciate the effort they put in.  Make sure you are giving more positives than you thought possible… between 5 and 9 positives for every negative or constructive piece of feedback.

Communicate openly:

Speak honestly about what is needed, and how the team can help achieve it.  Make sure that each and every team member knows that they are an important part of the team, and integral to the success of the team.

Support Constant improvement:

We can all get behind constant improvement.  I’ve found that everyone who feels like an important part of the team will have ideas on how to improve things.  Supporting constant improvement means listening to everyone… showing humility and knowing that you don’t have all of the answers.  Make sure your people have everything they need to do their best work.

Redefine job descriptions:

Talk to every team member about redefining their jobs.  By helping each team member see the overarching reason for their work we allow them to find new ways to do great things.  Defining roles by their job description puts limits on what people can do and what they see as possible.

Help your team members achieve their goals:

Whether it means teaching people skills, helping them develop Leadership qualities, or doing their best work for you while trying to get their own business off the ground… helping other’s achieve their goals builds trust and loyalty.

Help everyone get an A:

Read Helping People Win At Work by Ken Blanchard and Garry Ridge.  It’s our responsibility as Leaders to help every one of our team members find success at work.  If our team members fail, we should first look to ourselves for the fault.

People who fee that they are a valued part of the team will work very, very hard for us.  However we have to understand that we can only push them so hard before they feel abused… Once this happens it’s very difficult to reverse.  When people no longer feel valued, and feel more like pawns that can be sacrificed, the quality of their work will drop, turnover will increase, and it will become more and more difficult to maintain that level of productivity.  Do not fall into this trap, as it’s a tough one to get out of.